Today the three of us spent a lazy Sunday together. Hayden has a bit of a cough, so we spent most of it warm and snug inside.

Though we did venture out to the winter markets with Hayden bundled up deep inside Adrian’s jacket. It feels like winter has arrived, with a cold wind gusting through the bare trees and now with all the buildings lit up for the holidays.

Thank-you to Dr J and Dr L for their fun and beautiful baby gifts that Hayden was able to model today. He might not be rolling over yet, but I bet other babies don’t know the building blocks of DNA.

I first met Adrian during a lab meeting when I was floundering with my first research project and trying to find my feet in the lab. Usually students present pilot studies, future plans, or troubleshooting steps on their way to optimise an experimental protocol.

Adrian stood up and presented the figures to what was to become his first research paper, accepted and published in the best immunology journal in the world, Nature Immunology. I was impressed and intimidated. Even as a PhD student, Adrian seemed to be in his element. He would join the lab head and senior post-docs in asking probing questions during lab meetings, and would deliver scathing analyses of other papers during journal club. Even back then, he was an excellent mentor, improving thesis drafts or demonstrating the scientific method to undergraduate students, completing a Graduate Certificate in Higher Education to improve his teaching skills.

It was only later when I came to know him on a personal level that I learned how hard he had worked to reach this level. He had sacrificed every summer in his undergraduate degree to work in a research laboratory, running experiments and producing figures that would be published in peer reviewed publications even before he finished his Bachelor of Science.

He chose his PhD lab very carefully, interviewing at numerous institutions before finally finding one with the best opportunities. Here he worked every weekend, every night, designing experiments, talking to other scientists, and thoroughly reading the literature until he could keep up with the experts in his field. He made some great friends during that time, as he was always willing to talk over scientific or personal problems over a beer or two.

He knew that an excellent publication record was essential to succeed in academia. Every experiment was a figure in a paper. If he had to wait for some lab work to come to completion, he spent his time writing reviews and book chapters. At the beginning, Adrian never turned down an invitation to write a review – even if it was only a foreign print-only publication, he would still write a new and insightful manuscript on one of his areas of interest.

He continued in this manner through his post-doc, which meant that he was impressive enough to be awarded a start-up grant to create his own lab here in Belgium. I remember the first day he walked into the building – just an empty room – no furniture, no equipment, no staff. For the past three years he has worked tirelessly. He applied for every grant for which he was eligible, meanwhile recruiting staff and students, and setting up national and international collaborations. Knowing how stressful it can be to complete a PhD, he ensures that his students have every opportunity for success and fulfillment. They all have the opportunity to write their own reviews, and to have their own primary research paper as soon as possible. Plus he bought them a Nespresso coffee machine.

Today he received a letter stating that his latest research has again been accepted into Nature Immunology. However this time, nine years later, he is now the senior author on the paper. He has now been recognised as a leader of a world-class research laboratory conducting novel and cutting-edge investigations. I am so proud of him. Congratulations, Adrian.

Every day is now a little bit different, but here is a blow-by-blow of my yesterday:

4:49 AM: Hayden wakes up after 6 hours 35 minutes. I feed him and change him.
5:24 AM: Hayden goes back to sleep in the nursery without a fuss, I also go immediately back to sleep in our bedroom.
7:00 AM: Up time. Adrian fetches Hayden from the nursery and brings him into bed. We play and talk, and Hayden joins in with loud cooing “aaaah ooooh yoooo uuuuub”. He is becoming a lot more aware an interactive. It is fun. Pepper and Mint join us too, and I am happy that we have the whole family on the bed together.
7:30 AM: I pick out his outfit for the day and get him dressed and feed him again. I fill out his sleeping and eating notebook for the creche while Adrian gets himself ready and packs Hayden’s milk.
7:45 AM: I say goodbye to my two little guys and get ready for work.

8:00 AM: On the metro, I read through my work schedule on my Blackberry and work my way through the emails from have arrived from the US overnight.
8:30 AM: I boot up my laptop, and file all my emails out of my Inbox and into my @action folder, into subfolders. A subfolder that starts with 0 has to be done today, a subfolder that starts with 1 has to be addressed this week, etc.
9:00 AM: No meetings this morning, so I have time to get stuck into my projects. I compile a list of future data sources for 2012, give my comments on a systematic literature review protocol, read through the epidemiology section of a disease area review, and create a slide-deck that will be presented next week to the global team. Adrian sends me a photo of Hayden asleep in his pram.

10:30 AM: Pump.
10:45 AM: The publication officer pops into my cubicle to ask me about my plans for congresses and publications next year. I would like to submit an abstract for a congress with a deadline of mid-January, but it has to go through three review and approval cycles before it can be submitted, and I don’t think we’ll have time to do that as most people are taking of most of December for vacations (myself included).
11:15 AM: One of the statistical programmers sends me an instant message. The statistical analysis plan calls for a statistical test that seems inappropriate for that particular data set. We discuss various options and decide on a better alternative. I update the statistical analysis plan to reflect that change in design.
12:00 noon: Lunch time! Normally I go for the salad bar, but I treat myself on Fridays with the fish and vegetables. Today we have sole with mushrooms, Brussels sprouts, and ratatouille. The chef corrects my pronunciation of “ratatouille”, but I can’t hear the difference between the word I says and the way that he says it. I am sure that he can, though. I talk with my colleagues about their upcoming travel plans to the Ukraine, Mexico, and Romania.

12:30 PM: The head of the department drops by my cubicle to see how I am adjusting to being back to work, and reminds me that out of all my projects that I have to manage, Hayden is my most important. He talks about his children and about how his youngest has just learnt to walk.
1:00 PM: I meet with my team members and we do a practise run-through of our presentation to the global team for Monday.
1:30 PM: Pump
1:45 PM: I reply to emails, then complete an online training course to certify that I am compliant with the new Standard Operating Procedures that have just been implemented.
3:00 PM: 9:00 AM on the West Coast. The emails start flooding in from the US office. I have a teleconference with a US vendor to check on the progress of a new database that they are delivering to us.
4:00 PM: I have a teleconference with the UK office to discuss how I can support upcoming products in the pipeline and in early clinical trials.
4:30 PM: Pump
4:45 PM: Print out materials needed for Monday morning, make sure I have completed all my necessary tasks for the week. Water my plant.
5:00 PM: I leave on the dot so that I can get to Leuven by 6. I reply to more emails on my phone on the metro and then on the train.
6:00 PM: Arrive at the restaurant in Leuven for a friend’s birthday, joined by Adrian, Hayden, and a few other friends too. They all enjoy a drink, I have a Croque Hawaienne for dinner – a toasted ham cheese and pineapple sandwich, in which the pineapple must go on top of the bread instead of inside, for cultural reasons I do not understand. I feed Hayden and play with him, giving him lots of kisses until everyone else wants to hold him too.

8:00 PM: Hayden is sleepy so we head home. In his pram, Hayden plays with his kitten mittens, looking a little confused as to how his hands have turned into animals again. On the train we sit opposite a guy who is trying to study, but Hayden wants to talk to him and babbles loudly at him the whole time. Hayden is also really stinky.
9:00 PM: We arrive home, I feed Hayden and put him to sleep in his cot in the nursery. Adrian gives treats to Pepper and Mint.
9:30 PM: We put all his bottles and pump parts into the dishwasher, tidy up the house, and go to bed.
11:00 PM: I feed and change Hayden and pop him back into his sleep sack and back into his crib. He quietly sleeps until 6:00 AM the next day.

Today is my first day back at work since July. On my last day at work I was 8.75 months pregnant and it was the middle of summer. I now return to work in autumn, having experienced 16 hours of childbirth, 509 nappy changes, 1158 breastfeeding sessions, and 94 nights of broken sleep. I have also experienced seeing Hayden’s first smile, hearing his first laugh, and being the first person to greet him every morning with the sun rise. We have boated in Brugge, navigated Norway, cruised past cows in Cambridge, loitered in lively London, and ambled through Amsterdam.

I feel very conflicted about returning to work. I do enjoy my job and I am looking forward to the feelings of intellectual challenge and productivity that come with it. However, when I think about being apart from my very little bear for so long, I do feel a bit sad. I don’t want him to forget who I am. Still, I guess this is part of what parenting is all about – letting them go, bit by bit.