I bought Hayden a small jar of “my first Vegemite” to try on his first birthday. Though Adrian says that the reduced salt will detract from the true Australian experience.

There are some downsides to shopping in Australia, though. This is the extent of the foreign beer selection:

And if one takes a close look at a bottle of Stella:

It’s made by Fosters.

Every morning, mum and I would take a walk to the beach, strolling along the boulevard and watching the fierce waves crash against the shore. With oil tankers dotted across the horizon, the surf lifesavers would scout the tides every morning to determine the safest place to swim – “always swim between the flags” was one of the anthems of my childhood.

We were also able to spend some time with my Nana, Hayden’s great-grandmother. Hayden loved to watch her clap her hands, and I was able to hear her stories of raising five children while working as a journalist. With a single wriggling baby in my hands, I have no idea how she managed to balance it all, especially back in the day of cloth nappies and no dishwashers. It was so fantastic to be able to spend a week relaxing with mum Nana and Hayden playing together, and to show them our adorable baby boy.

Once we had stabilised, the flight attendants brought out a 70cm-long basinette for him and bolted it to the wall. It was just perfect. He slept very happily in it, for nearly six hours in a row on both flights. If awake, he was content to just gurgle and play with his hands, which meant that we had room to eat and stretch out too. KLM made us take him out whenever the seatbelt light was on, but Malaysia Airlines had a zip-up top on their basinettes that meant that we could keep him in there throughout the flight.

Until he is two, Hayden costs 10% plus taxes to travel with us. If he continues to fly as well as he does now, I look forward to taking him on many more international adventures.

We swam with dozens of fish species, sea cucumbers, glowing coral, parrotfish pecking at the coral, giant clams, a feeding sea turtle, a lion fish, barracuda and black- and white-tipped reef sharks. I was cleaned by bluestreak cleaner wrasse, and when I wiggled my index finger at a curious large silver fish as we were descending, it tried to nibble it off.

We were also able to take two guided night dives. On our first we saw sleeping parrotfish, biomuminescence, and a sleeping turtle. The reef was completely different – very few small fish out, and on the second night dive, I found out why. We were jointed by a pack of giant travelli – large black fish stalking the smaller ones like a pack of wolves. They used our torches to spot their victims, and then moved in for the kill. I must have been responsible for dozens of tiny fish deaths that night. It was very sinister yet extraordinary – to be surrounded by complete blackness all but my tiny beam of light, under metres of ocean in the middle of the sea.

Image from cairns.com.au

The next day we took a tour up into the world heritage listed Daintree rainforest and up to Cape Tribulation. Despite our clueless stoner tour guide, we saw some beautiful places. We saw a sleeping croc in the shade of the river bank, some large white-lipped tree frogs, walked through the mangroves, and along the beach where the trees meet the coral. We finished up the day with a walk above Mossman Gorge, and even saw a wild male and female cassowary, crossing the road as they walked through their rain forest.

Now I have visited every Australian capital city. We have just returned from a three day safari through Kakadu national park, starting in Darwin. I sat next to the driver, and he pointed out dozens of birds, monitors, and marsupials as we drive through the lush green land. I saw goose hawks, blue-winged kookaburras, brolgas, magpie geese, whistling kites, sulphur crested cockatoos, cattle egret, blue-faced honeyeaters and galahs.

My favourite animals were the agile wallabies that surrounded our campsite on the first night. Cute little creatures that looked at us with complete alertness, bounding off if we got too close. I even got to hold an orphaned joey who had been adopted by humans at the Didgeridoo Hut art shed. Some of the smallest creatures built the biggest nests – cathedral and magnetic termites building stark red towers over five meters tall, standing out against the bright green grass. We also saw short-eared rock wallabies, an owl, and sadly, cane toads everywhere, even throughout Kakadu.

We also got to experience the less friendly natives – crocodiles and dingos. We went on a jumping crocs cruise on the Adelaide River, where they drag huge chunks of meat through the water to encourage five-meter long crocs to jump out of the water next to our boat, and learn that tourist boats equal food. Not the smartest idea, but a terrifying and majestic sight to see a 240 million year old species lunge at prey. Like seeing a T Rex in action. Our last camp site was visited by dingoes, howling at each other throughout the night.

Our days in Kakadu were also filled with sweaty hot long bush walks through the outback, however they always ended with a delightful and refreshing swim in beneath a waterhole – a very iconic Australian experience. In one place, we were greeted with large illustrated “saltwater crocodiles swim here and will eat you” signs. Our guide insisted that it was just the government covering all bases, and the area was it was too high for the crocs. I was so over-heated that I trusted him and swam in the water, but now I can no longer mock those German tourists who get eaten in the Northern Territory after ignoring the signs.

We saw some amazing Aboriginal art sites ranging from 1 000 to 20 000 years old. Striking and beautiful symbols of the world’s longest continuous culture. Despite the government apologising for its genocide, the missionary spirit is still strong in the government’s handling of indigenous regions, as signs stating “no alcohol no pornography” were quite common throughout the region.

No alcohol, No pornography

Photo by onlineoffroadtours

Europe’s tourist spots have their own charm, but it is only in NSW that one can see the Big Merino. As we drove through Goulburn, we couldn’t spot it anywhere. Mum was giving us directions, but as we drove through Hume Street, we couldn’t see it anywhere. “They must have moved it” she mused. We mocked her, as we couldn’t imagine anyone picking up a 15.2 meter high, 97 tonne concrete ram and popping it down somewhere else. Later, upon further research, we found that it had indeed been moved in 2007 by nearly a kilometer so that is was closer to the M5 Hume Expressway. Designed by Adelaide builder Glenn Senner, the Big Merino was my first Big Thing experience as a child, and it still brought a smile to my face as I saw its regal pose once again.

Continuing the sheep theme, the next morning we stopped at the multi-million dollar Shearers’ Hall of Fame in Hay. We learned all about the best Australian shearers in the world, and while I failed to match Jackie Howe’s legendary blade-shears record, I did get to sniff sheep urine and start my sheep shearing training. We even watched a live sheep shearing demonstration by a gun shearer, watching him carefully yet deftly navigate the delicate folds of skin on a live merino ewe, and then slapping the poor naked thing on the bottom declaring “and that’s two bucks” – the current rate is $2.3559 per sheep.

Soon it was time to cross the border into South Australia and pass underneath the Big Tire. Our car was inspected for illegal fruit, of which we had none, as we were Fruit Fly Fighters, and we were welcomed to “the Phylloxera free Riverland and South Australia”. Phylloxera are similar to aphids, feeding on and damaging grapevines resulting in secondary fungal infections. I kept an eye out for the little critters, but I did not see any of the tiny bugs my whole time in South Australia.

On our travels we were also lucky enough to see both Orange World (Mildura) and the Big Orange (Berri), but we were not able to experience their entire orange experience. The tractor tour of Orange World did not start until 10:30 am, and we had to get on the road before then. When we arrived at the 85 tonne, 15 meter high Big Orange we found that it was fenced off. It was closed due to financial problems, and I was not able to step inside what was touted in 1980 as the largest sphere in Australia. It is a sad day when even the biggest of Australia’s big fruit struggles to stay afloat.

Finally, after three days of driving, we were nearing our destination. Firstly, though, we had another Big Thing to experience – the 18 meter Big Rocking Horse in Gumeracha. It was voted by wotif.com as the country’s best Big Thing, and I have to agree. We climbed the three storeys inside the horse to reach the top, and then explored the toy factory with its beautiful wooden toys, including a scale model of the very rocking horse outside.

The Big Scotsman in Adelaide concluded our Big Tour. I really enjoyed our quest for some of the Big Things in Australia, although in my lifetime I have still seen less than 5% of these icons, and the rest will have to wait quite a few years. Atomium will just have to do the job until then.